Ramblings of an Insomniac

3:15 am Saturday

Hmmm.

Those of you who don't know me well - won't know that I tend to have slight sleep issues. I've always had 'em, always will. Those that DO know me well, know that I prefer most quality sleep to not happen at night. You also know that there's periods where sleep is all but non-existant. I know it, you know it, and some of you out there bug me to no end about it. It's all part of me. Yay me.

I will fully attribute tonight's restlessness to a handful of things.

1. I'm missing my boy perhaps the most I've ever missed him. Sappy, I know. I won't expand on that because to some (Dupe!) the mere thought of me kissing a boy throws the world into chaos, so I need not be a sappy schmuck. He knows how I feel and I know how I feel - the rest don't need to be concerned.

2. Ever want something so much you start to second guess yourself? I won't elaborate.

3. Thunderstorm. HUGE thunderstorm. I love me some storms - don't get me wrong - it's one of my most absolute favourite things about Saskatchewan. Certianly one of the things I missed most when I lived in Alberta. However, I hate thunderstorms at night when the power may go off - scares me. Left over remnants of my childhood, I'm sure.

4. Unending situation I happily refer to as the house nightmare. I'm up to my ears in debt, and every week where a seemingly promising end is in site, I'm told it'll be at least another week. I know who's fault it's not (Loafy and MacMillMann) yet, I'm all but powerless in a situation that needs to be resolved sooner rather then later. But what good is it for me to say that, as it's not gotten me anywhere thus far. I'm certainly not going to be impressed if this situation ends with me having a ruined credit rating through virtually no fault of my own. I have friends that listed, sold and moved out of their house in 2 weeks. This was supposed to be finished in April and it's June - that's all I have to say about that.

5. 3 small boys + 1 large bed = limbs everywhere. I'm babysitting the boys over night and we've had a great night, however my long anticipated sleep in the new king size bed with memory foam and a thick feather duvet was cut to shreds upon realizing that the entire thing was filled with little boy body parts. Thunderstorm right? So - me being the cool auntie - told everyone to pile in. In a bit - I'll try sleeping on the couch.

6. Just me. I know others say the same thing - but I swear if my brain had an off switch life would be easier. I can go through an entire day without worrying or thinking about anything, until my head hits the pillow. Then it's a free for all... tonight - they're winning and I'm stuck at 3:25am listening to the birds chirping and celebrating the rain, which I'm sure makes their breakfast a helluva lot easier.

7. I just want a place to call my own again. After 4 years in Regina and 2 years in Edmonton before that, living back at home in Mom and Dad's basement is less then fulfilling. I love my parents, truely I do - but anyone that knows me knows how well I get along with one, and how little chance I have to get along with the other. I write that knowing prying eyes will maybe open their yaps about it, but oh well. The point is - having the entire contents of one life in a small storage area, while living with nothing but a bar fridge, a popcorn machine, a treadmill and a couple suitcases of clothing - isn't all that it's cracked up to be. And the best part - because of the houes nightmare - there's no end in site.

Maybe I'll just give in and pull an all nighter again - which I sorta did the night before I came up here. The only problem is I can't be on the highway until 12 or 1pm at the latest - that's a long itme before nap time.