worst. day. ever. EVER.

(WARNING! EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER POST AHEAD)

So - as i sit, taking a break, with a bowl of coffee/skor/toasted almond homemade ice cream, i can't help but think of how absolutely amazing the last few days of my life were. Which makes the fact that this is the worst. day. ever. EVER. even worse. I was blessed with what was THE best birthday ever. I didn't go out to the bar. I didn't drink my face off. I didn't walk out the door with the keys to a brand new Porche. Hell - other then 4 people, I've not even seen anyone I know today. But I DID wake up next to the man that I love, and that was the best feeling ever. I DID get to live the last 38 hours (ish) feeling like I'm the best thing since sliced bread.... and dudes - sliced bread is pretty friggin' good!

The downside is.... upon waking up - there was a mere 5 hours left until he had to be on a plane back home. Which meant another goodbye... which meant more tears... which meant another pang of lonlieness deep inside. That also made reality set in again.... that this is the last and final night in my home. My own house - my own memories. I am sadened by the fact that 27... oops - 28 - years of my life is now sitting in a 10x10 storage garage. And it's half empty. I'm sadened by the fact that what is supposed to be one of the most exciting things in my life (and the wedding and trip WILL be awesome) is on the backburner to all the emotions I'm feeling right now about up and leaving all of my life behind. It is the last night in my house, and I realized today that - it's not my house. Day by day as the last few weeks have moved on, it's become less and less my house. Tonight - it's Loafy, MacMillMann, and CMann's house, I'm just lucky that they're allowing me a few spots where I can keep some things, and a place to curl up and sleep on the floor on my old futon matress.

At the same time - there's a few moments once in awhile where the happiness of everything DOES set in. I'm happier then I've ever been in life, with so many amazing and beautiful things on the horizon - love, adventure, career, location - everything. And I'm not lessening those things - I'm VERY excited for those things.... but for now, I just want to curl up in a corner, with my bowl of ice cream and a pizza (hi, comfort foods!) and cry and sulk and feel sorry for myself. And it's my birthday, so fuck you, I'm allowed!